Just as I thought we were finished, she looked over at me, her eyes softening and said “Let me ask you a question.  When you really want something, I mean REALLY want it, and you’ve tried everything to get it – visualization, inner work, negative beliefs, when do you know it’s just not going to happen and you give up?”

“I mean, I read your story about going to Alcatraz,” she continued.  “You were in San Francisco for a very short time for a speech and you really wanted to see Alcatraz.  You’d never been there.”

“Yes, I remember” I giggled, since she was telling me my own story, straight from the pages of The Accidental Millionaire.

“You only had one afternoon open so you decided to go to Alcatraz.  When you got to the ticket booth, they were sold out for a week.  Then, out of the blue, someone magically appeared with two tickets to Alcatraz and you got to go – that afternoon!  I really, REALLY, want to make this happen for me.”  she continued. “But every time I see a little bit of success, it just slips away.   I know what I want, but it always seems to elude me.   I’m really over the Law of Attraction – it just doesn’t work.”

“Hold on there,” I interrupted her  The Law of Attraction works REALLY well, IF you understand one fundamentally important and very crucial distinction.  Knowing what you want is only the beginning.  Nothing happens until you DECIDE to have what you want.”

“Huh?”  she said, cocking her head.

“Go back to Alcatraz.  You see, I didn’t just want to go to Alcatraz, I DECIDED to go to Alcatraz.  I did the most obvious thing to make that happen – buy tickets.  When they were sold out, I used the Law of Attraction to find a different way.  I never would have said to myself the way to get to Alcatraz is to walk into a T-shirt shop, notice a booth selling timeshares that was giving away two free tickets to Alcatraz if I viewed the presentation.  Which is exactly what I did, by the way.  Because I made the DECISION, possibilities opened up to me that I would not have noticed.”

“Waiting around for the Universe to deliver what you want is a waste of time.  Using the Law of Attraction to attract things to you requires that you stop waiting around and DECIDE to HAVE the thing you want.  Only then do you notice all of the abundance and possibility around you that will help you to reach that objective.”

“So wait a minute,” she continued, “I really want new hardwood floors.  I’ve picked them out, found someone to install them, even saved up the money.  Then something happened and I spent the money on something I probably didn’t even need.  What happened?  Why don’t I have the floors.  I really want them!”  she exclaimed loudly.

I smiled.  “Because you didn’t decide to have hardwood floors.  You had fun picking out the flooring, finding the people and saving the money.  But you still had never said to yourself  ‘I’m installing hardwood floors next year.’  Therefore, when something else came up and sounded good, you DECIDED to do that instead.”

“It’s like this,” I continued, her mouth now hanging open “If you’ve decided to lose weight and are presented with a plate of doughnuts, you’d probably choose something different.  But if you hadn’t made the decision to lose weight, you might not give eating the doughnut a second thought.”

“WOW!”  she exclaimed, jumping up from her seat, “I GET IT!  THIS IS HUGE!”

“Yes, it is” I said quietly, allowing the moment to fully unfold.

“I didn’t make the decision to have the floors.  I didn’t make the decision to be successful in my business.  I was just waiting around for opportunities to present themselves, waiting for IT to happen and never defining IT!”  she was on a roll.  “From now on, I will make DECISIONS to have what I want.  Thank you!.”

She hugged me tightly and it dawned on me that maybe I could revisit some decisions of my own (or maybe some non-decisions).  Always learning and growing, I’ve made some new decisions recently and almost magically, quickly and effortlessly, the object of my decision has shown up in my face.

So what decisions do you need to make to have the things you want?

More money?  DECIDE NOW to be a good money manager, salesperson, whatever.

More time?  DECIDE NOW to spend your time wisely and evaluate every action before you jump in.

Better relationships?  DECIDE NOW to have what you want in your relationship.  Get real if it’s not working.

I think you get the idea.  Leave a comment and let us know what you will DECIDE to have now.

Isn’t this fun?

Yet for so many, stuck seems to be a state that is stubbornly present, even defeating in the lives of so many.

You know, the web site tweak that just has to be done before you promote, the sales script that needs to have every word perfect before you make the call, the distraction of finding something new to create instead of focusing on the thing that’s in front of you.   And the worst of all – just not knowing what to do next.

It’s the Getting Ready to Get Ready syndrome.

And some of you have it… BAD!

I was talking with a client yesterday who is in a career transition.  But instead of hopping from one career to the next, he’s making an interim stop as a consultant while looking for the next path.  With a possible job that fell through, he was stuck.

“I think I’ll install some new tools on my computer so I’m ready when the next opportunity comes,” he told me firmly.

“Really?”  I asked.  “How do you know the next job will need those exact tools?”

“Well,” he said, “it’s kind of like home improvement projects.  You like to have a hammer around so you’ll be ready”  he said.

“What if the roof caves in?” I questioned jokingly.  “How is the hammer going to help you?”

He laughed quietly and said “Yeah, I see what you mean.  But what do I do?”

And therein lies the problem.  If you’re getting ready for the next opportunity but you haven’t defined or even decided what you want, you will never get the opportunity. It’s that simple.

“The first thing you must do is make a decision to get 1 consulting job.  Just one.”  I told him.   “Next, you must take imperfect action.  Start asking people about their challenges that you can help them with. Be in conversation.  It will lead to business.  I guarantee it.”

We talked then for a while about what to say to people and how to be in the conversation.  At the end of our session, he was not only unstuck, but actually excited about taking action – even imperfect action – to support his decision to move forward with this part of his transition.

No one is immune.  Recently, I was trying to make sure that our 2-Day Tuneup signature event was perfect.  In fact, I was working so hard to make sure the event was perfect that I almost forgot to tell you about it!  Just one more tweak to the website, one more segment of fun to get in there, one more…etc.   I was so engrossed in the “getting ready to get ready” to tell you that I finally had to make the decision to stop tweaking and start telling!  Duh.  But like I said – we’re not immune and we’re all in the process called LIFE.

So what do you need to make a decision to stop doing and what will you decide to start doing?  I’m curious.  Leave a comment and let’s get the energy moving!

In the movie, Dan, the main character, has a very busy life. He’s a young college student and athlete, bound for the Olympics, he trains hard, plays hard and gets good grades.  A certain feeling of uneasiness comes over him about his life, something he’s never had before.  He seeks the counsel of a wise elder who begins to show him the way.

At one point in the movie, they agree to meet at a bridge overlooking a shallow creek at the college for a lesson.  Dan, in his hurried world, totally forgets that he also has an athletic tryout at the same time he agreed to meet his mentor.  He tells his friend to hold a spot for him at the gym, and sprints to the bridge.  He catches up with his mentor Soc (short for Socrates) who is leaning on the bridge railing, quietly observing nature.

“Soc, I’m sorry,” Dan blurts out “I completely forgot I have tryouts in a few minutes.  Can we make this quick?”

“Sure,” says Soc.

And he throws Dan over the bridge, into the water.

“WHAAAAAAA!” yells Dan, as he jumps up, soaking wet.  “What did you do THAT for?”

“When you were falling, what were you thinking of?”  Soc said quietly.

Dan stared blankly, unable to answer.

“NOTHING” said Soc.  “You were totally in this moment.  You weren’t thinking of the tryout, you weren’t thinking of school you weren’t thinking about anything except what you were experiencing, right here, right now.  Slow down.  Be present.  Look at everything going on around you.”

“There’s nothing going on,” said Dan as he observed the people in the park.

“Look closer” said Soc.

Soon Dan began to notice things.  Little things at first.  The lovers smiling and kissing.  The dog grabbing a ball.  Then, as he got into the moment, he began to notice true beauty around him.  The leaves on the trees.  The sound of the wind blowing.  Laughter, insects and even the sound of the water running in the creek.

Slowing down is an important part of speeding up.  Do you spend time in observation, totally in silence, or are you racing through life trying to reach a destination?

My plan for this year is to slow down to speed up.  Huge things are happening for me that I’ll share in other posts, and in order to receive those huge gifts (and realize my dreams), slowing down must happen.  I’m even going to show you how if you join me in the upcoming 2-Day Tuneup Retreat.  It’s our signature event for 2010 and I know you’re going to love it.

So what do you think could happen for you if you slowed down a little bit?

Leave me a comment and let me know.

After going in with much anticipation and knowing that I would need to keep a strong mind to be able to stay positive in the midst of so much chaos and negativity, I was astonished to find that in my own mind, I had created a massive dose of anxiety and fear in my mind and body.   How could that be?  After all, aren’t I some kind of new thought guru that understands how thoughts can create emotion?  Don’t I have control of my own thoughts?

Apparently not.

The “what if” monster got me good.   I found myself sitting in the theater, watching the Earth destruct in 2012 and thinking:

• What if it’s true?
• What if there is scientific data and I have been ignoring it?
• What if everything I’m doing is for nothing?
• What if the belief I have about 2012 being a spiritual new world is wrong?
• What if I don’t see my family before then?

And the biggest (and honestly most selfish) thought of all:

What if I’m not one of the survivors?

I needed to come back to the present moment and I needed to do it now.  But I couldn’t.  I decided to check it out a little more on the internet, just to calm my nerves.  Conspiracy theorists, propaganda, predictions galore.  (What was I expecting?)  My nerves got worse as I surfed.  I really wanted to stop, but I almost couldn’t.  It was kind of like picking a scab and expecting a cut to heal.  Finally, the anxiety got to a point where I couldn’t ignore it.

And I did this to MYSELF!

“Get away from the Internet”, my own voice told me.  “There is only this moment.  The future hasn’t happened.”

“Yes, I know,” I said to myself “but what if…”

“STOP IT!”

Leaning back in my chair, I felt powerful just clicking the little X to close the window on my browser.  Predictions be gone.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen (or not happen) and that’s just the way it is.   Have you ever felt anxiety over a situation and obsessed about the negative outcome?  Of course you have.  But when you come back into the present moment, set up a step by step plan and get into action, there is no “what if”.  There is only NOW.

What do you need stop worrying about and get into the present about right now?  Leave me a comment and let’s stay present together.

All is ok.

Just wanted to post a little note on the main blog about my How-To Blog .  The latest post is on how to make your own blog – be sure to check it out. If you have any question’s on how to do something, please post there or to my wire, and let me help you!

Catherine

Every year about this time, I start thinking about what my theme word will be for next year.  Then, in December, I will take the last 2 weeks and reflect, review and clean up whatever I need to in order to keep thing rolling.

This year has definitely been a year of high-impact change.  (Funny, when I added that to our mission statement to help others create high-impact change in the shortest amount of time, I guess I was really talking to myself.  Oh well, glad you’re here along for the ride!)

Coming out on the other side of massive changes in my life this year has been a really wonderful, exciting and sometimes downright terrifying experience.  I’ve learned to love through breakups, illness and course correction.  I’ve learned to surrender and be in the moment, listen to the Universal messages and be okay “being in the GOO” (as my friend Sarah Robinson says).

Recently, I called several of our clients and asked “why did you hire us?”  Every one of them, from Executives to solo entrepreneurs, said “Because something had to change and I didn’t know how”.

So why are we so afraid of change – even positive change?  Here are some thoughts:

1.  We don’t know for certain what the endpoint will be. When new territory is crossed, we can only go one step at a time.  Many people find that very unsettling – not knowing the destination.  Yet step by step is the ONLY way to make progress.

2. Paralysis from fear.  Trying to peek into the future with certainty is a clear formula for anxiety, fear and failure.  No one is certain of the future.  Tomorrow may not come.  I mean, you don’t go to bed every night terrified that the sun won’t come up tomorrow, do you?  Probably not.  Yet, there is no guarantee.

3. We think it’s going to hurt. Making positive change in your life is the only way to ensure success and happiness.  If you don’t make that change, you will be stuck in an unfulfilling, purposeless life filled with regret at the end.  No one wants that.  Your purpose is to make choices that make you happy, so if you’ve got too much or too little of something in your life – something’s got to change.

Have you started thinking about the changes you want to make – in your relationships, health, career, life?  What might your one word theme be for next year?  Mine is going to be FLOW  (Follow, Love, One, Wisdom)

Leave a comment and let me know what you would like to change – it will start you on your way!

The global financial crisis of 2008, together with the election of a new American President representing a vastly different political and social perspective, has produced a “seismic shift in society,” argues de Waal. The distinguished scientist says it is long overdue that we jettisoned our beliefs about human nature–proposed by economists and politicians–that human society is modeled on the perpetual struggle for survival that exists in nature. De Waal says this is mere projection on our part. Nature is replete with examples of cooperation and empathy.

Empathy, de Waal explains, is the social glue that holds human society together. He argues that modern psychology and neuroscience research supports the concept that “empathy is an automated response over which we have limited control.” He points to the fact that many animals survive not by eliminating each other, or by keeping everything for themselves, but by cooperating and sharing.

Related Articles

• Individual Animals Count: Speciesism Doesn’t Work
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Given all we know about empathy in other animal species, why do we persist in seeing human existence, particularly in business, as a fight for survival, with winners and losers? De Waal calls this the “macho origin myth” which insists that the human species has been waging war on itself as millennia as a reflection of our true nature. What has been ignored is the fact that empathy has been evident during that entire time. De Waal points to a mass of examples of sacrifice, empathy, co-operation and fairness in humans and other animals’ species. For example, how many people know that most soldiers are unwilling to fire at the enemy, even in battle?

Unfortunately, philosophy and religion as well as science have long suggested that caring and kindness do not come from our biological nature, but are ways that humans overcome biological instincts. In contrast, aggression, dominance and violence have been attributed to our DNA. According to de Waal, for humans and other advanced animals, sharing, compromise and justice matters. He argues that feeling and acting with empathy for others is as automatic as aggression.

De Waal explains how empathy has three layers. The first layer is emotional contagion, where the flush of emotions runs through a group of people during a dramatic event. The next layer is feeling for others, our empathetic response when we see another’s predicament. And the third layer is “targeted helping,” the ability to feel the way another does. He suggests that the historical predominant view of humans as slaves to a “selfish gene” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We have competing genes–some selfish and aggressive, an others selfless and empathetic–and they are constantly jostling for position. People are complicated and complex, not instinctively cruel and selfish; they are capable of caring and empathy with equal passion and depth.

Given the nature of business survival in a competitive world, de Waal’s clarion call that greed is out and empathy is in, may be a call we should all hear.

It’s not that you’re unhappy or miserable with everything in your life.  Maybe it’s just one area (like your money, your environment, your health, your career or your relationships) that’s not working so well that throws everything else off.  And maybe you feel like you’re working really hard to “make things happen” only to find yourself spinning your wheels on the bicycle of life.

Been there.  Got it.  Totally understand.  I have those days too (yes, even the Queen of Happiness hits a bump once in a while) 

Emotion, when left unacknowledged, becomes negativity and can lead to depression.  Depression is projected to be the #2 killer in by 2020.  When emotional upset (frustration, confusion, conflict, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, worry) becomes an everyday lifestyle, momentum stops.  It makes sense:  how can you be focused and on target when you’re overcome with worry about your job, your money, your relationships, your career, your health… ________________________ (fill in your own thing here.)?

It’s impossible.

But there’s good news:  today we can all make a choice to acknowledge the negativity (notice I said acknowledge, not wallow in it)

So you’re feeling ________________.   Great! Here’s what to do next:

1.  Give yourself 5 minutes to identify and acknowledge your emotion.

2.  Say out loud “I’m feeling ________  Oh well!  This too shall pass..”  (because it will)

3.  Now that it’s been acknowledged, you can move on.  Go about your day (don’t try to change things – that will only put you back in wallowing mode.

4.  DO something different.  A task that needs to be done.  Go for a walk.  Hug another person (or your dog).  Whatever.   Just make sure you’re in motion (even if it feels like slow motion) and NOT spending your time wallowing in the emotion.

5.  Congratulate yourself for moving through the emotion instead of ignoring it.

By doing these simple things, you will learn to become more emotionally intelligent, which will help you to increase your health, happiness, stamina, relationships and bank account.

by Stephanie Frank

Not only is she happier, but so are the other people on the team. According to Gang & Gang, 55% of people are in the wrong jobs. Whether you have a corporate job or are a work at home professional, it means there is a 1 in 2 chance that you are spending a good amount of time on things you’re not good at doing, or thing you hate to do. What does that mean?

Frustration. Confusion. Fear. Doubt. Anger. Resentment.

Lovely emotions to live with, huh?

Getting out of these emotions requires some knowledge of self. Knowledge of self helps you understand relationships whether they are personal or business. Having better relationships with people and tasks means happier self. Simple.

Here are three things you must know about yourself in order to have better relationships:

1. Know your VALUES. Values are the unconscious characteristics that drive us. Notice I said unconscious. That means you aren’t aware of them until you make a choice to become aware. What drives you? Independence, intimacy, wealth, creativity, relationships, learning, challenge…the list goes on and on. Become aware of your top 3 and these are your decision making blueprint. When one (or more) is violated, the result is anger, restriction and resentment.

2. Get comfortable with your strengths. I used to beat myself up because I stink at filing. I would spend hours trying to figure it out, all the while listening to that little voice that kept saying “See how stupid you are? You can’t even figure out where to put a dumb piece of paper! I can’t believe you’re running your own company.” Now that wasn’t so helpful.

We were taught all throughout school to get better at what we’re not good at doing. I totally disagree – again. I say drop what you’re not good at doing and get it done creatively – barter or exchange, or hire it out. You’ll save time, energy and lots of money in the long run by refusing to be working out of your strengths.

3. Learn your personal style. Everybody has “rose colored” glasses when it comes to experiencing the world. Some people are creative and intuitive, some are logical and analytical, some are bottom line strategists and some are harmonious supporters. Where most people get it wrong is they spend most of their life trying to prove that they’re “right” in their assessment of a situation. It’s a losing proposition. An intuitive will never prove to a scientist that intuition exists (well, there are some new studies but…)

In short, it’s all about your credibility. You don’t get to say whether you have it or not – other people do. So when you decide to learn these things you’ll have a whole new perspective on people – and a whole new way of peacefully understanding them.

by Stephanie Frank

It was a simple statement, one that told me everything I needed to know about his life.  He literally had a “pain in the neck” situation going on at work, and it showed up as a physical pain.   When I first got my master certification in NLP and hypnosis, I was instantly drawn to a different type of coaching – working through emotions by working through pain.

Most people don’t know that pain is connected – much less that NLP can solve these kinds of problems.  NLP is mostly associated with persuasion, as in sales.  But it can also be used to persuade your brain to process information differently.  Pain is caused by the brain having a thought which causes an emotion.  The emotional strain on the cells in the affected area become constricted, which causes that neck, back, leg, foot, shoulder, stomach or headache pain (the list goes on and on).

Last week, I helped a man overcome 10 months of chronic stomach pain in 45 minutes.  He released his pain very quickly once he connected the emotional state he was feeling.  At first, he said he was having no emotion (and a high level of pain).  Soon he got in touch with his emotions and the pain started to go.   And then it was gone.

So here are a few things you should know about pain or physical symptoms and their meanings:

Neck pain - Stubbornness, Inflexibility (What is giving you a pain in the neck?)

Back – The back has 3 sections (lower, middle and upper) and it’s about being supported

Lower Back – Worries about financial support

Middle Back – Guilt. Carrying all that stuff on your back (maybe you’re taking responsibility for more than you need to?)

Upper Back – Emotionally unsupported – lonely (take a look at your relationships)

Knees - Your ego and pride is in the way.  (left means the past and right means moving forward)

Headache – Making yourself wrong – criticizing yourself (where do you need to appreciate yourself more?0

Stomach – Afraid of new things (maybe huge life change is coming and you don’t know what’s next?)

Feet - Understanding of ourselves and others and letting change happen (feet keep you moving)

Shoulder – Lack of joy in life (feeling like you’re shouldering the load?)

Of course, there are literally hundreds of meanings for pain and illness, so I just wanted to share a few with you today.  Maybe it will help a little bit to figure out whatever needs detangling right now in your own life.

by Stephanie Frank